I never thought I would be a laissez faire mother. I mean, I create spreadsheets for fun. To say that I love structure, rules, and coloring inside the lines is an understatement. So, it was a shock to me that I began to reject rigidity when Emma arrived. Honestly, it’s just too hard to follow every rule to the letter while you’re pumping, working, feeding, and maintaining some semblance of sanity. Ecclesiastes 9:11 is a verse that I cling to in regards to parenting. It says, “the race is not given to the swift nor the strong, but to those who endure until the end.” That’s my motto as I try to endure these adorable salvos. In this time, I have learned that enduring means adjusting and breaking a few rules.
I don’t believe in sleep schedules anymore. Even if I did, Emma doesn’t listen to me, and I am not willing to fight with her yet. Plus, I would rather my babe gently doze off in my arms after some innocent play and gentle rocking. That’s much more desirable than having her wail alone in her crib until she falls asleep. When I attempt to let her “cry it out,” I usually end up crawling into the crib with her to pay my pennance. And, believe me; it’s nearly impossible for an adult to climb out of a crib without pulling a muscle. How do babies escape their cribs so easily? Cal once remarked about crying he overheard at night. I haven’t had the heart to tell him those were my tears. I don’t understand the phrase “sleeping like a baby.” That’s not because English is my second language! It’s because I haven’t found these babies who sleep. Emma sleeps more than most, and I still haven’t woken up refreshed in 208 days. But who’s counting?
I love maternity high fashion and all the accoutrements: breast milk, spit up, and pee-pee. Breast milk is magical. It comes from my body, feeds my child, and gives her all the nutrients she needs. Emma has also discovered that if she stops suckling, breast milk will squirt all over me and give my shirt a nice sheer aesthetic that you just can’t find on the rack (pun intended).
Spit up: Now, that Emma is eating solids, spit up is less frequent. But when it happens, it gets all over me. Every time. I love wearing dark colors. My closet is basically a series of black and navy Pantone swatches . Off-white spit up really pops on those colors! Every top you own will take on a macabre Lilly Pulitzer print comprised of Gerber products and saliva. Thankfully, spit up is a tricky substance to wash off clothes while you’re on the go. So, depending on if it is the start of my day or the end, I may not attempt to clean it up. Who are we kidding? I almost never clean it up. Remember? I’m exhausted. I just embrace it and wear it like a badge of honor.
Pee-pee: What can I say about pee that hasn’t been said about fake news? It’s everywhere and it stinks. The good news is that baby urine is sterile. So, you don’t have to run out of the grocery store when those Pampers spring a leak on aisle 6 at Whole Foods.
Lay off me. I’m Starving!
I like to think that Cal and I are foodies. We have eaten at eight Michelin rated restaurants around the world and even more Bib Gourmands. In between we have cooked tasty meals and found holes-in-the-wall that serve pure slices of heaven. We even choose vacation spots based on cuisine. I obsess over ingredients, chefs, and food trends. Food pictures on Instagram make me want to jump into my phone with a knife and fork. Moreover, we have been taking Emma to restaurants since she was 4 days old, and continue to take her with us as we explore new places. We want her to share this love of food with us.
With that in mind, we subscribe to a feeding method called Baby Led Weaning (“BLW”). There is a lot of content out there about feeding your baby solids. Please pick whatever is best for your family and your little one. BLW was recommended to us by a dear friend and I love it. Cal is on the fence about it, but he’s wisely afraid to oppose my decisions. BLW encourages your child to eat what you are eating. You let your child explore textures and learn to chew and swallow on his/her own. BLW is working for our family.
However, I thought I would be able to have those iconic pureed food moments you see on television with Emma. I planned on having a pureeing system, baby food meal prep days, and a freezer full of colorful cubes of organic baby food. Although I bought in to (literally and figuratively) making homemade food for Emma, I threw in the white flag on that idea after she refused to even open her mouth for the food I prepared. I had to adjust which didn’t fit into my pre-pregnancy plans, but feeding Emma what I am making for dinner cuts my prep time in half. It also means if she doesn’t like what we’re having, I didn’t waste time making her something new. I take note of her likes and dislikes and try to meal plan around that.
Change Is The Only Constant
We are all trying to figure this parenting thing out. It’s hard. I pray that at the end of the day we all learn to love and laugh at our hectic lives just the way they are. A really important person in my life passed away recently. Ana Pizarro lost her courageous battle with cancer a couple of weeks ago. She was my host mom when I studied abroad in Lisbon, Portugal during undergrad. Over the years she became much more. She was an amazing mom, and helped to teach me how not to take things so seriously. I want Emma to love her life, love her family, and love living. In order to do that, I am trying to schedule less and live more. I may not figure it all out today, but the race isn’t over and I will endure till the end.