Fake News Is For The Children

Fake news is a global debate. NPR’s Avi Wolfman-Arent wrote a story  detailing how fake news is affecting students. Wolfman-Arent spoke to middle-school teacher Nick Gurol, who says his students now believe the Earth is flat because NBA player Kyrie Irving has been an outspoken proponent of the scientifically inaccurate theory. I sent this article around to some friends and we joked about how unfair it is that kids can blame fake news for ignorance. Can you imagine how poorly this would have gone over if we had tried this as lower school students? Where was fake news when we needed it?! Well, it’s never too late for justice. Here are some ways you can use fake news to help with adult life.

One of our favorite shows is “The Affair” starring Dominic West and Ruth Wilson as a couple with two different narratives around the same events. Each episode is split between their dueling vantage points which offer alternative, self-serving, and contradictory versions of the same incidents. It’s compelling because recollections of events are often like that no matter how loving relationships are. Scenes are viewed differently because humans have unique personal experiences that frame the way we process moments. For instance, Mo would like for you to believe that I was asleep during her contractions. This is simply not the case. Were my eyes closed? Yes.  Was I under the covers in our bed? Yes. Were snoring sounds coming from our room? Yes. Thanks to fake news I can now claim that my eyes were close because I was praying for the safe arrival of our baby. Now, we have a healthy and strong baby girl thanks to my praying. You’re welcome, Mo.

Also, not all fake news is bad for education. Jay Z may be an astute businessman, but he is not going to be your kids’ 4th grade math teacher. On the “The Life and Times of Sean Carter Vol. 3” he raps, “I’m the one like five divided by four.” Before alternative facts were accepted, this would have gotten a red letter “X” on his notebook paper. He’s got 99 problems and the remainder is 1. But let’s not cast stones at Mr. Z because he missed one little math problem. It has been a minute since my last lesson in long division. Emma may have some homework questions I can’t answer. No worries. All I have to do is apply a little alternative math like Jay Z and my wrong answers turn into cool rap lyrics. I might even win a Grammy. That’s what I call addition by subtraction.

Another delicious alternate truth is how tasty Tylenol is. If you offer Tylenol to Emma she will purse her lips and shake her head to reject it. However, if you pretend like you want to drink it and then offer it to her, she will greedily accept it. For this reason, we put on elaborate hoaxes about how good it tastes. Mo and I will even pretend to fight over the syringe containing the Tylenol until she snatches it from our hands and drains its contents. Popping (medicine) bottles and telling tall tales.

All jokes aside, I’m really excited to go on this journey of discovery with Emma. In the aforementioned article an Ivy League professor advises teachers to “give students the tools to think like a scientist. Teach them to gather evidence, check sources, deduce, hypothesize and synthesize results. Hopefully, then, they will come to the truth on their own.” Tall tales, myths, and inaccurate information have always existed. It’s our duty to help future generations ascertain what is real and what is not while in world where misinformation is prevalent. I may not have all the answers, but I know where to find them: The Onion and Babylon Bee.